The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
