I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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