Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
