If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
