i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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