This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
