Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
