Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
