I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
