im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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