anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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