yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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