Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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