moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
