Im at strip club and am horny
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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