No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
