You can't motorboat a personality
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
