She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
