I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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