i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
