dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
