how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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