bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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