Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
