My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
