Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize