she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
