i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
