oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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