so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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