Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
