Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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