We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
