I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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