Can i not drive my cunt home
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
