I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
