That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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