I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize