I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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