i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
