16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
