I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
