the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
