sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
