can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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