I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
there is puke in my bra ... again
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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