True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You pole danced in your parka.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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