It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Someone signed my nipple.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
