One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
