my mouth tastes like poor choices
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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