I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
