She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
