my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
