he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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