with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
