If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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