god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do vagina's smell?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
