Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
