i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
