Screwed.edu
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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