can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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