and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
