I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
