If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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