Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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