see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
