I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
