when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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