Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
