Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
