you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
