We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
