Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
