Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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