then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
