We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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