shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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