tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
