Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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