dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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